Soothe Me, raw draft ctd.
Mar. 21st, 2005 10:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
#3(36)#
Kenshin and Kaoru are now sitting together on the veranda, probably around the corner from the opening scene.
Kaoru:
= [Sanosuke] no [uchi] ni [toma]tte kuru--?
= [name] 's home in staying come--?
~ [Yahiko] dake?
~ [name] only?
-- "Aren't you going to stay at Sanosuke's place for a while? (Just Yahiko?)"
[gerund+kuru = "do something then come back"; the kanji for "uchi" can also be read as "ie", depending on a more or less formal connotation similar to house/home]
+++
Both of them develop wide, nervous smiles.
Kenshin:
~ [sessha] TO [] ga hanare-suGI kuru kara...
~ I(humble) AND [abrupt break] [subject] leave/separate-excess come because...
~ "ME--? Perhaps we have been too distant lately..."
= [otoko doshi] no [hanashi] demo aru no de gozaroo
= fellow-men 's conversation but [animate-existence] [emphasis] must-be
-- "They'll probably just have a lot of guy talk."
Kaoru:
= do- daka- mata [Sanosuke] ga [waru]i [koto] oshiete-nakya ii kedo
= that (see note) same-way [name] [subject] bad thing(s) teaching-(if-not) good but
["daka-" is truncated from "dakara" (<- copula + "kara"): "because of which", "for that reason", etc.; since it seems to refer back to Kenshin's (not) attending the sleepover, I've added some words to the translated line. "Nakya" is an informal syncope from "-nakereba" (<- negative "nai" + provisional "kereba").]
-- "But... if... won't Sanosuke set a bad example if you're not there with them?"
+++
Sweatdrops for everyone!
Kenshin:
= e!?
-- "Huh?!"
Kaoru:
~ [zuboshi] na no ne... iya [otoko] ni wa IROIRO-to...
~ bullseye [softened request/assertion] [emphasis] [agreement shill]... distasteful men/men in [topic] SUNDRY-and....
[As an adjunct to onomatopoeia, the use of "to" seems to be roughly equivalent to the use of "to go" in English forms such as "When the coyote pulled the rope, the anvil went WHAM! on his head". It could also be viewed as a different truncation of to-iu, "and (someone) say(s)".]
~ "Yup, I knew it (sigh)... those guys are up to no good..."
+++
Kaoru (worried):
= ma. ii wa [Kenshin] ga [mokunin] shite'ru koto nan dero- shi
= [mild interjection]. good [topic] [name] [subject] implicit-permission are-doing stuff what must-be and
-- "Well. Okay, you gave them permission to do whatever they want, but"
= ja [konnichi] no [yu]ge wa [futari] [bun] de ii no yo ne-
= [being-topic] this-evening 's supper [topic] two-people amount being good [factual emphasis] [opinion emphasis] [agreement shill]
-- "you know, I really don't think we have enough supper for both of us tonight."
+++
As the implications dawn on her, she starts to withdraw into shyness again.
~ [futari]...
~ "the two of us..."
+++
Kenshin glances at her, slightly worried, as her interior monologue continues.
~ [futari] kiri nande...
~ two-people cutting why(informal)...
[Mild wordplay; literally, "kiri" means cutting, wrt splitting dinner in half, but can also have the metaphorical adverbish meaning of "only". The more formal version of "nande" is "naze".]
~ "just the two of us, divided apart...?
#4(37)#
~[futari] 'kkiri...
~ "two separate halves..."
+++
Several panels of awkward dinner:
*mode* (munch)
*zu* (sip)
*shi- n* (nervous silence)
[It's good to know that there's a sound effect for nervous silence.]
Both: (with a surge of forced vivacity)
= ano
-- "Um--"
+++
Kenshin:
= a[]? nan de gozaru
-- "Er--? What is it?"
Kaoru:
= E[] | uun [Kenshin] koso nani?
-- "What--? | No, what did you want to say?"
[koso = "indeed"/emphasis]
+++
Kenshin:
= iya | *kusu* | [Yahiko] ga inai to [igai] ni [shizu]ka-na mono de-gozaruna... to
= (note) | [small laugh] | [name] [subject] is-not and except quiet-ish person/thing is-not... and
[Although "iya" seems to have a literal meaning along the lines of "icky", it also seems to be an informal alternative for "no". As a noun-like adjective, "shizuka" (as seen in the prologue) can stand on its own but needs the suffix -na to attach it to a more normal noun. The construction "X to Y to" seems to mean "if/when" in this case; I'm letting the multiple negatives cancel each other out.]
-- "Oh, nothing" | *chuckle* | "You always have something to say when Yahiko is here."
#5(38)#
She tries to discern his subtext (if any), then gives up and sighs.
~ nande...
~ "Why is he...?"
= sou ne...
-- "I guess so..."
Kenshin:
= [Kaoru-dono] wa [nan] de 'tta n'de gozaru ka?
-- "Mistress Kaoru, what is it you wished to say?"
+++
Kaoru: (shy again)
= mou ii no
-- "It's nothing, really."
+++
Kenshin: (wide-eyed, perhaps faintly bewildered)
= dou-ka | shita de gozaru ka?
-- What-- is something wrong?
[Idiomatic; more literally, "dou" is how/what; "dou-ka" ~ somehow; "shita" = did (simple past tense of "suru", to do. Similarly, "doushite" (why) can be dissected into dou-shite, what/how-doing.]
She can't take it anymore.
= dou-mo shinai!!
-- "Absolutely not!!"
[A guess on my part (dang idioms), based on parallel breakdown of doumo into dou+mo, the latter half of which does the total negation thing with a negative verb around, instead of trying to swallow the word intact and ending up with the cryptic gloss "very not-doing".]
+++
Completely demoralized, she scrambles up and flees.
= gomen [nan] de mo nai no!
-- "I'm sorry, but it's really nothing!"
Kenshin has that "did anyone get the number of that oxcart" dazed look.
= Kaoru-do
-- "Mistress Kao--"
She's still fleeing.
= [atashi] o[furo]-[ta]ki ni [i]tte kuru kara... [Kenshin] [saki] ni [hai]tte!
= I heating-bathwater in going come from... [name] beforehand in entering
-- "I'm stepping outside to heat the bathwater... you go in ahead!
[While the bath is in an enclosed room, it's warmed by a hearth that's built into the exterior wall. The outdoor access makes it easier to clean out ashes, but also required a certain level of trust/feedback. Depending on the specific architecture, the hearth may lie directly beneath the bath, or there may be a system of flues and chimneys which can be partially controlled from the inside. The gerund+kuru structure means "going to do something and then come back"; the similar gerund+iku means "going to do something and then leave".]
Unhappiness abounds. Kenshin sighs. *FUu* ("sigh")
#6(39)#
Time-lapse. The moon has risen outside; finished with her own bath, Kaoru is walking down the hallway near Kenshin's room. He's sitting inside, rather pensive and sad; she waffles about whether to try again and produces various minor sound effects:
*DO[]* (footsteps, "pad-pad")
*SU[]* (inhale)
She could knock on his door-- nah.
*kaa* (blush), *pa()* (thump, from pulling her hand back to her chest)
#7(40)#
A man of many talents, Kenshin can also make his own sound effects.
*sharu* (untying his ponytail, "whish"?)
And hear her loitering outside. He ponders this, then smiles ruefully and addresses the closed door.
= [Kaoru-dono] soko ni iru mo de-gozarou?
= [tanuki] there in be/go as-much going-to-be(presumptive)
-- "Mistress Kaoru, do you wish to stay out there much longer?"
[okay, in-joke; Kaoru's sometimes referred to by other characters as "tanuki-musume", which is usually translated as "raccoon girl". Tanuki are sometimes also "translated" as badgers, though that's not quite right either; they're canids, but they look as close to raccoons as makes no difference. There's a traditional folk dichotomy between tanuki and kitsune (fox) sorta people; the former are relatively small, rounded, and open-natured, whereas the latter are slender, elegant, and tricksy.]
Kaoru (very very startled): *DOKI[]* (heartbeat, "ka-THUMP--")
+++
Embarrassed at being caught, she slides the door open and sidles partway in.
= ....ano
-- "...er"
*zu*
[The indispensable http://www.oop-ack.com/manga/soundfx.html lists several possibilities for "zu": "vigorous motion", which could refer to opening the door, except that her facial expression looks more like "the sound of a sinking heart", which I have no idea how to translate.]
Kenshin:
= ii kara [i]tte kuru de-gozaru yo
= good from going come [copula] [emphatic opinion]
-- "It's okay for you to come in."
+++
He smiles disarmingly, perhaps knowingly.
*kusu* ("chuckle")
= sonna [tokoro] ni inaide...
= that-kind-of place in not-being...
-- "You don't have to stay over there."
[Sentences ending in gerunds are often the shortened form of polite requests, more fully stated as gerund+kudasai, where the latter is from "kudasaru", one of the ten zillion verbs in the "give/receive" group whose usage depends on the relative social statuses involved and whether the speaker or listener took part in the transaction.]
#8(41)# (not bothering with all the framebreaks on this page)
He holds out his hand.
= kotchi ni oide
= over-here(informal) in coming(honorific)
[A rather odd mix of syntax; kotchi is the informal version of "kochira", but "oide" is from "oide ni naru", which is a very very polite verb for come/go.]
-- "C'mere, grant me the honor of your company."
*kyu* (literally "grab", but since she hasn't taken his hand yet, more like "beckon")
She shuts the door behind her, still downcast.
*TAN* ("thud")
Contact!
*[]* (dramatic moment of silence)
Uh-oh, now he looks serious. She hurtles forward unexpectedly.
*gui* ("grab")
= kya()
-- "Eek!"
no subject
on 2005-03-21 10:36 pm (UTC)So wonderful news!
You are extremely hardworking person ^_^
Arigatou, de gozaru.
Stasy
no subject
on 2005-03-22 05:14 am (UTC)I do like the seeing the breakdown on how you translate.