wombat1138 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
wombat1138) wrote2006-04-26 03:45 am
wombat1138) wrote2006-04-26 03:45 am
Entry tags:
"A Distant Thunder" (RK doujinshi translation), done
Since I still have all my reference books out, I figured I might as well poke at one of my favorite Yamaguchirow stories. "A Distant Thunder" is from the doujinshi Setsuen and covers Tomoe's first major hurdle in taming Battousai. Poor kid(s).
I feel compelled to note that I didn't see either this doujinshi or "Haran"-- or actually, any doujinshi at all-- before writing "Mitsutomoe", which clawed its way out of my brain cell within (iirc) about a month of seeing the OVA for the first time. (I hadn't been particularly grabbed just by watching the first two tv seasons of RK on rental discs. Still haven't bothered to watch the third season.) After that, I found out more about Enishi. Mmm, Enishi. Mayoi-kotora-chaaaaaan!!! (ahem)
Still have no real idea what I'm doing. Maybe one of these days I should actually attempt to take some formal "Introduction to Japanese" classes, which would finally force me to learn all of the kana.
Frame/balloon order is from right to left and from top to bottom. The kana for "tsu" is sometimes used to indicate a glottal stop, as in a sudden gasp or an abrupt break in speech; in those cases, I'll transcribe it as "*" instead.
Format key:
= raw romaji: [kanji], hiragana, KATAKANA, words-linked-inna-phrase, (handwritten marginalia), ~sound fx~
(Every so often, I splat down a comparison from wot-club's IY translations, which indicate kanji with CAPS instead.)
- expanded transcription: grammatical contractions unpacked from the raw transcription if necessary (e.g., inna <- in a) or other analysis
= raw gloss: [word function], literal-translation
(Functional abbreviations: [T]opic, emphatic [S]ubject, [O]bject, unidentified [P]article,[C]opula, [Q]uestion, e[X]clamation)
(Auxiliary abbreviations: [nC] (negative copula), [mM] (emotional emphasis), [fM] (factual emphasis))
Narrative
[snarky notes]
-- "occasional coherent(ish) translations"
Pagination: #N#
Framebreaks: +++
Balloonbreaks: | (if I compress several short balloons into the same line of text; otherwise, I just start a new line for each balloon)
At this stage in Kenshin's life, he hasn't yet adopted his later characteristic speech patterns-- no "de gozaru" or "sessha"; he uses the very self-assured pronoun "ore" instead, and I haven't yet seen any signs of the confused "oro?" sound.
Tomoe's speech pattern is surprisingly formal, very different from Kaoru's (at least judging by Yamaguchirow's doujinshi; I haven't double-checked against Watsuki's original dialogue)-- Tomoe uses the full polite verb forms every time: the copula "desu" instead of "da", as well as the "-masu" family of suffixes that I've never *ever* seen Kaoru use. Unfortunately, there isn't a good way to convey this in English-language dialogue; in some moods, I figure it might work to avoid informal contractions, so maybe I'll try that this time. Also, based on my preliminary scan through the story, it's interesting that Tomoe never addresses Kenshin by his name-- another difference from Kaoru; is this possible to carry over as well? Dunno.
Later note: if modern English still had distinct familiar/formal second-person pronouns like most Western European languages, it would be a fairly obvious choice to have Tomoe address Kenshin with the formal pronoun most of the time. I'm not sure how well that would really work-- even once they're both naked, she continues to use the "-masu" suffixes etc. at him-- but then maybe that's just as unusually distancing as it would be to keep addressing someone as "vous" or "Sie" in the same circumstances. (It almost seems like the way a mid-level prostitute might address a client, depending on how seriously you want to take Iizuka's speculation about where she'd been before encountering Kenshin.)
#17#
Title page: Kenshin walking away from the end of another mission, with a "Tenchuu" (heaven's justice) placard lying on the bodies between small inset panels of each victim's death. Rain is pouring down.
His internal monologue is off to the side; I've separated out the lines in this case. They're in a cursiveish font rather than true handwriting, but I'll parenthesize them anyway.
= ([hito]-wo [ki]ru [tabi] [kawa]ite-yuku)
[cf. wot-club "washi o KIru tabi" (every time you cut me)]
- kawaite <- [kawa]ku (dry up)
- yuku: irregular variant of [i]ku (go)? when attached to a verb, seems to indicate total completion, so "kawaite yuku" would be "completely dried up", "dried to a husk", etc.
= person[O] cut time dried-away
= ([chi]-wo [su]u ni [ka]rete-yuku)
- karete <- [ka]reru (wither, shrivel)
= blood[O] breathe in shrivelled-up
= (--[mizu]-ga [ho]shii)
= water[S] desireable
= ([ore]-ga [hito] de naku naru [mae]-ni)
= I[S] person from inside become previously
[Since the syntax doesn't quite match the natural flow in English, I figured I'd save up the entire speech to do at once. I've also flipped the verbs between the first two lines because I felt like it.]
-- "(Every time I kill a man, I shrivel up inside; every time I breathe a spray of blood, I wither away. Water is exactly what I need-- it restores me to who I was before.)"
[I guess this time he can dispense with the mizugori purification ritual-- no need to pour cold water over your own head if you're already drenched. Hiko would probably dump a bucket of ice over him anyway, though.]
["Mizu" specifically means "cold water". There's a different word ("yu") for hot water. Apparently this causes great amusement for people who are more familiar with Chinese, since when they go to Japan, they read the sink taps as being labelled for "water" and "soup".]
[Much later addendum: as it turns out, Tomoe's family name, "Yukishiro", means melted snow, pure ice-water from the start of spring.]
Title box:
= [enrei]
= distant-thunder
#18#
Kenshin's returned back to the room he shares with Tomoe. The first panel probably shows the sign outside the inn; I might come back and poke at those kanji later, but they probably don't matter all that much. It's still raining.
~ZAAAA~ (hard rain, wind blowing)
+++
Back in his room. As usual, he's curled up beside the window in an uncomfortable-looking half-seated position around his sword. He's left a trail of water behind him.
~KA*~ (lightning, I think)
+++
He's soaking wet and seems to've made no attempt to dry himself off with a towel, though he may be rubbing his scarred cheek with the back of his wrist-guard. (Kid, if you keep picking at it, it'll never heal.) Water is still dripping from his hair and face as he broods: ~POTA | POTA~ (drip drip)
+++
Tomoe sits up from the futon on the middle of the floor. Thunder continues to roll outside: ~GORO GORO GO~
+++
She ponders him for a moment, then brings him a piece of dry cloth: ~SU~ (slow, careful movement or someone breathing in; I wonder if this is before or after that incident where she startled him awake and he almost killed her on reflex. Do not startle gloomy-angst hitokiri.)
Her:
= [nu]reta mama-de to [shintai]-ni-[doku] desu yo...
- "nureta" <- past tense of "[nu]reru" (get wet, probably the root of the ever-popular ~nuru nuru~): got wet, became soaked
["doku" is probably the word for "poison" Christopher Lee mentioned in some interviews about Count Dooku, although iirc both syllables of the name rhymed with each other, which would be wrong compared to the Japanese pronunciation. Also, note that the first vowel of the actual word is *not* elongated; dunno whether there's an actual word "douku", but this isn't it.]
- "shintai ni doku": lit. "poison into the body", idiom for "get sick"
= got-wet in-same-condition and get-sick [C] [X]
[My first impulse is to render this as "You're still soaking wet-- you'll catch a cold!", but it may take me a while to figure out what Tomoe should really sound like in English.]
-- "Staying drenched will surely lead to illness."
#19#
When he ignores the cloth, she takes his hand away from his face and starts to rub his fingers dry (~ZU~), surprising him (~BIKU*~).
Her:
= [kimono]... [kiga]eraretara dou desu ka?
- kigaeraretara <- conditional form of [kiga]erareru <- passive/potential form of [kiga]eru (change clothes): if-could-be-changed
[He's wearing his working outfit; in this context, "kimono" just means clothing in general.]
= clothing... if-could-be-changed what/how [C] [Q]?
-- "Perhaps a change of clothing would be beneficial?" (or just "Shouldn't you take off those wet clothes (and slip into something more Freudian)?")
+++
= ...[tsume]tai [te]
- "[tsume]tai": I would've expected this to've been based on a verb, but surprisingly, there's no [tsume]ru with the same kanji. Verb-like adjective that can either mean "cold to the touch" or "cold-hearted".
-- "...such cold hands" (or, "your hands are so cold")
+++
= --mata [hito]-wo [koro]mete kita no desu ka?
[Don't think I have the second kanji quite sorted out yet; as transcribed so far, it's not a possible form from the verb "[koro]su" (murder) and there are several alternate readings. If it were right next to the first kanji, "[hito-goro]shi" (murderer) would be possible except that there's no "-shi" kana there to round off the word. If the kanji were in reverse order, "[satsu-jin]" (homicide) would also be possible, but they aren't.]
[WTF is "metekita"? "kita" probably from "kuru" (arrive); participle+kuru -> start to (verb)? No "meru"/"mesu" verb by itself? Must be compound form with kanji.]
[Cf. p. 8 ff.-- usually this seems to apply to the roots of verb-like adjectives, but it looks like the "-meru" suffix can produce an externally-agented causative verb, as that paper phrases it: e.g., from the adjective "[kata]i" (solid), the verb "[kata]meru" (cause something else to solidify in the sense of the sun hardening mud, rather than referring to the process of the mud passively evaporating off moisture). Curiously, while the word "katamari" (solid lump, as in "damacy") is related to the same concept, sometimes it's written with the same "[kata]" kanji which my Kodansha dictionary uses in the transitive "[kata]meru" (it lists three different interchangeable(?) kanji which can all be used to write the same meaning/pronunciation of "[kata]i") and its intransitive analogue "[kata]maru", but sometimes it uses a completely different single kanji: "[katamari]" rather than "[kata]mari". Gah. Overly tangenty. WTF was I talking about anyway? Right. I think the crucial thing I wanted to jot down was that all of those [kata]-based words use the "kun" pronunciation rather than the "on" one.]
- based on the "kun" pronunciation for that kanji back there, we're dealing with the word "[koro]mete" after all <- -te form of "[koro]meru" (roughly, "cause to murder", or more succinctly, "assassinate" or "cut down").
[ -te verbform + kuru... ISTR that another use of this structure is "do something and come back" or "return from just having done something", but I can't dig up a reference in my books right now. Think I'll go with that anyway, though: "[koro]mete-kita" ~ "returned from murdering"]
= again person[O] returned-from-murdering [fM] [C] [Q]
-- "--another assassination just occurred tonight, didn't it?" (or, "--you just came back from another assassination, didn't you?")
+++
He gives her a cold death-glare for a moment, but then backs off and changes the subject after a "..." pause. Hm. He's already using the rather tender pronoun "kimi" for her. She seems slightly startled by it.
Him:
= [kimi]-no [te]-wa | [atata]kai na....
[Oddly, there are two parallel adjectives based on this [atata] kanji: the verblike "[atata]kai" and the nounlike "[atata]ka-na", both of which seem to mean the same thing (pleasantly warm). I don't know if there's some slight difference in connotation between them. Strictly speaking, this isn't exactly either form, but "atatakai na" (it's warm) is apparently the last thing Sailor Uranus says to Sailor Neptune in SMSS 198... I wonder if that season of "Sailor Moon" was ever released in the US? I lost track of the show after the initial English dub by DIC, which I could catch on local tv just before running off to work; by the time Cloverway(?) took over and dubbed a few more, the show was airing on Cartoon Network at an inconvenient time-slot-- I did manage to catch a few more eps here and there, but not very many, and I can't justify renting it because it sends the wombat-consort into shoujo sugar-shock.]
= your hand(s)[T] | warm [mM]
-- "But your hands | are nice and warm..."
#20#
Her face goes blank again, and she returns her attention back to kneading his hand between hers.
Her:
= [atata]kai [te]-no [mo]chi[nushi]-wa [kokoro]-no-[tsume]tai [hito] nande sou-desu yo...
= warm hand's owner[T] cold-hearted person why [emphatic copula] [X]...
[I've found some indirect references to a Japanese proverb that's equivalent to the English one "warm hands, cold heart" (or vice-versa), but don't have confirmation whether this is the usual form. Still, the concept does seem to be cross-cultural.]
[The semiliteral "As for the owner of warm hands, that is surely because of the heart of a cold person" sounds terribly clunky.]
-- "A person with warm hands has a cold heart." (or even more loosely, "Only cold-hearted people have warm hands"? "Warm hands are caused by a cold heart"?).
+++
Her:
= [suko]shi-wa | [atata]marimashita ka?
- "atatamarimashita" <- past form of "atatamarimasu" <- polite form of "[atata]maru" (passively warm up, become heated by something else)
= small-amount[T] | became-warmed [Q]
[There's a certain amount of ambiguity here about what she's referring to, exactly; on the surface, she's still warming his hand, but by context, she's speaking about her own heart. Because of that, I'm reluctant to follow up my initial impulse, which was to insert some words to produce "But your hand | hasn't warmed up very much yet, has it?" or something similar.]
-- "But this | has gained a little warmth, has it not?" (or "...has lost a little of its chill..." to flip the grammar)
Him:
= kimi-wa... | [tsume]tai [hito] ka ja-nai...
= you[T] | cold person [Q] [nC]
- "ja nai" <- "de wa nai" <- negative of plain copula "da" (often etymologized from "de aru", where "aru" is the animate-existence verb; the negative of "aru" is "nai"-- however, see this other post.)
-- "But you... | a coldhearted person? Never..."
+++
He pulls her hand closer: ~gu~ ("tug", or more loosely, "clasp")
= sore nara [ore]-no [kata]-ga...
- "kata": tacked onto verb stems, this has to do with the characteristic way to do something; in this case, it's on its own, so this is probably the alternate usage that's listed as an honorific form of "hito" (person).
= that if-it-were personage[S]
- "nara" <- conditional form of "da" (plain copula), analogous to the -ba form of most verbs; the parallel form "naraba" also exists.
-- "If anyone, the cold-hearted person would be me."
#21#
He cradles her hand against his forehead with his eyes closed. There is another strong patter of rain: ~ZAAAA... | ...AAA~
+++
She looks oddly vulnerable herself, aware of the degree of trust he's showing her. The rain keeps falling: ~ZAAA...~
+++
And there's another huge flash of lightning: ~KA*~
+++
She glomps completely around him, producing a lovely proto-oro expression while thunder rolls around them: ~GOGOGO | GAGAGA~
#21#
He looks dreadfully confused. She still has her arms wrapped around his shoulders, with her eyes closed and his head tucked under her chin.
Him: (internal monologue again)
= ([kaminari]-no sei na-no-ka? | sore demo...)
- "na no ka": particle cluster; a semirhetorical question in an emotional context
= thunder's fault [emotional question] | that however
-- "(Is this really because of the thunder? | But in that case...)"
In that case, why is she still holding onto him?
+++
He decides to glomp her in return: ~gyu~
= (sore demo...)
--"(In that case...)"
More thunder: ~GOGO | GOROGORO~
+++
Tomoe gasps, horrified at the situation she's put herself into: ~ha*~
+++
And breaks away: ~ba*~ (sudden violent motion)
Kenshin is confused again, but unfortunately does not yet have the word "oro" to resort to:
= a...
-- "Wha--", perhaps?
+++
Awkwardly, he apologizes:
= ..sumanai... | [ore]-ga...
- "sumanai": plain analogue of the more formal apology "sumimasen"; not quite as slapdash as "gomen".
-- "...Forgive me... | I just..."
+++
= iya | [kimi]-no [kimono] made [nu]rashite shimatte...
- "made": usually "until", but can also indicate an extreme condition
- "nurashite" <- -te form of "nurasu" (moisten another object; the active analogue of the passive verb "nureru"): actively-moistening
- "shimatte" <- -te form of "shimau" (finish): usually, the "-te shimau" construction means that the previous verb has finally/completely been accomplished, but I think this is a slightly different usage that expresses regret about the previous verb.
= [dismay] | your clothing until drenching [regretting]
-- "Oh no | I completely drenched your clothes, I didn't mean to..."
She's huddled up on the futon again, kneeling upright with her arms wrapped around herself. Since this is the middle of the night, she's not wearing her daytime kimono; I don't know whether this is just her regular nagajuban (full-length under-kimono) or specialized sleepwear. As will be revealed later, she's also wearing a susoyoke (a long half-slip similar to a wrap skirt) underneath, but not the corresponding hadajuban (a similar lightweight wrap top with short sleeves); each of those would fasten by tying together two attached ribbons at the waist. No tabi (socks) right now, either. Her hair is still tied into that loose loop behind her neck, which you'd think would be uncomfortable to sleep on, but maybe that isn't so much of a factor with those weird little traditional pillows that look like stiff bricks.
#22#
He stands up and prepares to walk past her out of the room, carrying his sheathed sword in one hand. He is *still* dripping rainwater. His fundoshi (loincloth) must be terribly soggy if he's wearing one, but since Yamaguchi usually skims over that detail, perhaps underneath his hakama Kenshin is just going commando. Er, hitokiri.
= [hi]eru to [waru]i [kiga]ete-kure...
- "kigaete kure" <- brusque command form of "kigaete kureru", where "kureru" is one of the "give" verbs; added to the -te form of another verb, it's an idiom for "do this as a favor for me"
[The kanji in the adjective "[waru]i" is the same one Sano wears on his back; Saitou likes to use the same word as the noun "[aku]". Kill Sano's back instantly!!! (Insert yaoi joke here.)]
= get-chilled and unpleasant/evil change-clothes-for-me
-- "It's bad to catch a chill-- you should change your clothing..."
= --[soto] ni [de]ru kara...
= outside in go-out from
-- "--as soon as I leave the room..."
+++
She tightens her grip on her own sleeve: ~gyu~
+++
Her:
= [i]kanaide [kuda]sai
[A very polite negative-command form of "[i]ku" (go) with the aux. verb based on "kudasaru" (another one of the "give" verbs, indicating something given to the speaker; I am never going to get those straight)]
-- "Please, do not go." ("Please stay" would be simpler, but sounds too forward?)
+++
She meets his eyes while he continues to stand beside the futon, looking guilty.
+++
= [kimono]-ga [nu]rete-shimatta-no-wa | anata-no sei dewa-arimasen...
[Whoa. She's unleashed the pronoun "anata" on him-- in some contexts, it's formally distant, but in others, it's what a wife calls her husband. However, she's still using the polite verbforms.]
["no" after a verb creates a gerund for verbing.]
- "de wa arimasen" <- negative of the polite copula "desu" ("arimasen" <- neg. of "arimasu" <- polite form of "aru" (inanimate-existence))
= clothing[S] getting-completely-soaked[noun][T] | your fault [nC]
[Reading between the lines, I think she's saying that she doesn't blame him for getting her clothing wet because she's the one who glomped onto him first?]
-- "My clothing's condition | is not your fault alone."
#26#
She reaches behind her back to loosen the sash of her nagajuban or yukata or whatever her outer garment is: ~shu | shuru~ (untying/unwrapping sounds)
+++
Him: (wide-eyed)
= e
[Boy, does he need the word "oro".]
-- "Uh..."
+++
His knees crumple under him with shock; he thumps down into seiza, dropping his sword beside him: ~kashi | kan~ (thump, clang)
Him:
= [ma]*
[The kanji is the stem of "[ma]tsu" (wait). Theoretically, the "tsu" kana after it might be really there, so to speak, supplying the rest of the verb instead of just showing a break in speech; however, IMHO that doesn't make sense in this context-- the plain form would just mean "I'm waiting" which seems too casual a response for panicky oro-chan; the command form ("wait!") would be "[ma]tte".]
-- "Hey, w--"
+++
With a faint flush of emotion (shame? arousal?), she finishes unfastening her outer garment and shrugs it off: ~suto~ (something falling, but "crumple" seems like a better fit)
+++
And peels his damp gi down to his waist as well (~su~: "peel") while his heartrate skyrockets (~DOKI | DOKI~: "ka-thump | ka-thump")
+++
His wristguards also came off between panels. (IIRC they're called "kote" or "han-gote"; can't find good refs at the mo. Misao wears similar ones ten years later.) Lightly, Tomoe folds her arms around his shoulders, but he's still frozen in place.
~pita~
[keeping the previous translation for the "Possibly Maybe" story in mind, I suspect that Yamaguchi really doesn't use the same "stop" sense for this sound that Oop-Ack lists for it. Guess I'll have to go again with the "closely adhering" sense that Hiroko Fukuda's onomatopoeia book mentions.]
= [embrace]
Him: ~doki~ (ka-thump)
= a*
-- "Ah--"
#24#
He's still wide-eyed with shock: ~dokan | dokan~ ("ka-thoomp | ka-thoomp")
+++
She backs off, takes his hand between hers again, and places it on her bare breast: ~FUKU~
[not listed per se by either Oop-Ack or Fukuda-- possibly related to "buku" and "puku" (both indicate something round and swelling; "buku" (via bubbles?) is also the sound of boiling water), and/or "fuki" (wipe).]
+++
That seems to've taken the edge off his panic. However, oro-chan still needs to be walked through a tutorial.
Her:
= koushite | [fu]rete-ite [kuda]sai...
- "furete ite kudasai": polite command form of "furete iru" <- present progressive of "[fu]reru" (come into contact, touch gently)
-- "This way | please, keep touching me..."
+++
She slides her hands off his as he finds her nipple: ~so...~ ("there...")
Someone (her too now?): ~DOKAN~ (ka-thoomp)
Definitely her:
= n...
-- "Mmh..."
+++
As a quick learner, Kenshin also discovers her other nipple: ~chuku~ (suckle/kissy)
Her:
= a*
-- "Ah--"
+++
~chu | chu~ ("kiss | smooch")
Him:
= n...
-- "Mm..."
Her:
= ha...
-- "Ahh..."
#25#
Her:
= --*
-- (gasp)
[Okay, going to stop "translating" the moans and sighs for now, since I'm sure you get the idea anyway.]
+++
He backs off, concerned.
= a* | [ita]katta?
- "itakatta" <- past tense of verblike adjective "[ita]i" (painful)
-- "Ah-- did I hurt you?"
She realizes he has never ever done this before.
= ...
= [speechless for a moment]
+++
= [onna]-no karada-wa
= woman's body[T]
[see discussion after next line]
+++
= ...[yasa]shiku [atsuka]tte-[kuda]sai...
- [atsuka]u (deal with, handle)
= sweetly/gently please-handle
[I'm not quite sure what to make of these two lines. There weren't any obvious signs of him groping her too hard, and her nipples are now alert and pointy-like. So "a woman's body-- please handle it gently" (or, less klunkily, "please, women's bodies should be handled gently") doesn't entirely make sense.
-- "Please... | ...touch a woman's body gently"?
+++
She nudges up close to him again, bringing back the expression of abject oro: ~DOKI~ (ka-thump)
+++
As she gropes him through his hakama: ~SU~ (smooth movement)
+++
And then unfastens it: ~SHURU SHU | SURU~ (untying his waistband and peeling his hakama down in front)
Him: ~biku*~ (jolt)
= a...
#26#
Him(?): ~*~ ("gasp"? instead of the "tsu" hiragana, this might be the "fu" katakana for a short, sharp exhalation; I don't think this is a motion sound-effect.)
~susu~ (smooth movement; she's using both hands, keeping one up top while the other slides up and down)
~biku* biku*~ (shock, amazement; no dancing elephants this time. I think I rather like "jolt" as an equivalent-- something to convey the sudden electric shock of adrenaline.)
+++
Him: n*
+++
Him: ~biku* | bikun~
= ...a...*...
Her: ~shuru | nyu* | shu~
He's clinging onto her shoulders like a life-preserver. The "nyu" is probably the first few drops of pre-ejaculatory fluid leaking out already.
+++
Lots of little sound-effects scattered through this panel. Oy.
Him: haa | n... | haa
Her: ~SHU~
Him: ~KYU | gyuu | gyu~ (glompy noises from him tightening his embrace)
= haa*
+++
Him: n*
~BIKU | BIKU~ (his head exploding, so to speak)
+++
One last ~BIKU~ in closeup; more panting:
= haa | haa
#27#
And his breathing deepens and slows down: HAA | HAA
Tomoe is inspecting her goopy hand with a very odd expression, almost as if she feels sorry for him. He's fifteen years old-- possibly less by Western age-counting methods-- and this is his first time with a girl; how long was he going to last? He'll be back up within a few pages, though. (Fifteen. *eyeroll*)
+++
Tenderly, he touches her face, wiping away a trickle of spooge from her cheek: ~kyu...~
+++
They kiss, then tumble full-length onto the futon together. Someone says "N".
#28#
More kissing.
= n...n | haa... | nn*
+++
~chu...~ (smooching)
She pulls off her underskirt: ~SHURU~
= haa
Her small brick-pillow is visible on the floor behind her head in this panel, if anyone wanted to know.
+++
Her nekkidness prompts him to back off and finally take off the rest of his soggy clothing, I think including his socks (thank goodness) before coming back to her.
#29#
She guides his hand to her girly parts, either with the "tsu" choked gasp in the throat or the "FU" sharp exhalation.
+++
Her:
= n*
+++
Him:
= koko?
-- "Here?"
~kuni | biku* | kunyu~
[Can't find an exact listing for "kuni/kunyu", but by context both of them are groping sounds with the second one slightly squishier.]
+++
Him:
= ...[ita]kunai?
[neg. form of "[ita]i"; the verblike adjectives attach the negative suffix onto the -ku adverb form]
-- "...you're not in pain?" or "that doesn't hurt, does it?"
Her: ~biku*~
= n...
+++
She reaches back down and presses his fingers into her: ~kuchu~ (a grippy, squishy sound)
+++
~chu...~ (kissy-type wet friction/suction; despite the gynecological closeup, I think this actually refers to him leaning over her for more kissing)
#30#
Him: ~kuchu | kuchu~
Her: ...n | (haa...)
+++
She reaches down for his instant replay: ~kyu...~ (grasp)
Him: a*
+++
She stares up into his face. He stares down into hers. Both of them look terribly young and vulnerable and afraid of themselves.
#31#
To hell with angst. Let's boff!
~gu...~ (loud thunder growling again)
~nyuchi...~ (squishy first contact)
+++
Him: ~zunu*~ (more slurpy squish)
= ...a...
+++
~zupupu...~ (sinking in)
+++
Her: haa...
+++
~gu* gu*~ (more thunder)
~zu~ (vigorous motion)
= [yawa]rakai...
= soft, tender
[see next line]
+++
Someone: ~gui~ (clutch)
= konna-ni...
= this-much
[The obvious identification is that it's Kenshin saying "You're so soft inside", but I wonder if this is a direct quote from the first OVA, in which Tomoe thinks something along the lines of "You're so kind and gentle like this... when you're not killing people." Or at least that's what the English subtitles said; I doubt I'd be able to pick out the actual Japanese dialogue. But after puzzling after the motion in this panel, I think it's her taking hold of his knee to push it backwards and pull him deeper into her, since she continues to do that throughout the next page, where he does *not* start out with a hand on her breast. If it is her, she can probably be excused from omitting "desu" from the end of this sentence, considering.]
Kenshin?: "You're so soft | deep inside you"
or Tomoe?: "You're so gentle | so tender to me"
#32#
As mentioned, she shoves his knee backward along the futon; at the same time, she grabs hold of his butt with both feet to haul him in and muffles herself with a mouthful of cloth (sheets? her underskirt?): "fu"
Many, many sounds. Let's see--
behind his butt, there's the ~ZUZU~ of vigorous pumping;
under it, there's ~puchi~ (? Oop-Ack has "buchi" (ripping/tearing-- ow!), although the story just before this in "Setsuen" shows her doing the deed with Kiyosato);
her shoving his knee back apparently sounds like ~jupu | ju*~ (can't find those either);
over their heads, ~GU*~ was probably her yanking the cloth into her mouth.
Him: ~HAA | HAA~ (deep panting)
+++
He gets a grip on her breast again (~KU*~), making her nipple go *spung* (~POTA~).
= *a
+++
big sound effects: ~ZUPU | NUPU*~ (vigorous squishy motions)
smaller fx: ~kuchu | gupo~ (wet suction?)
various moans: haa | N | ha...
#33#
Tomoe is still muffling herself with a mouthful of cloth. (Their room has paper walls, after all, and the inn is packed full with other Ishinshishi.)
= mu | n*
~ZU* | NYUPU~ (even more vigorous and squishy motions)
Him:
= haa | haa | ha
+++
The next panel is at the top of rhe left side of the page, instead of directly below the first one.
Him:
= haa | ha...
She loses her grip on the cloth; some slightly louder moans sneak out around it.
= nhaa... | a...
+++
Him: ~BIKU*~
= n...*
+++
~DOKUN~
[Splorch.]
#34#
Still more rain outside: ~ZAAAA | ZAAAA~
They just lie collapsed around each other for a while, panting-- lots of ~ha~ deep breaths plus a stray ~n~.
He strokes her face; she touches the scar on his cheek-- I wonder if she knows Kiyosato did that? Iizuka might've known enough to tell her; he was part of the cleanup crew immediately afterward and would've known who the main target was, which might've been enough to identify the bodyguards as well.
#35#
As she traces the scar, Kenshin's expression slowly closes back up again.
= sumanai... | [ore]-ga [hitoki]ri de...
- "de" <- -te form of "da" (plain copula).
[Or at least I think that's what it's doing there. I wish had some idea of the emotional shading of this sentence, unless the point is that there isn't any.]
-- "Forgive me... | I'm still an assassin..."
+++
Horrified once more, she whips away from him and huddles up. His "Oro?" face returns, but only for a moment.
#36#
= sumanai...
-- "Forgive me..."
+++
He wraps a piece of (hopefully dry) cloth around her shoulders, startling her (~biku*~). The large ~FUKU~ in the middle may represent the wind blowing, since that's what the verb "[fu]ku" means. There's more ~ZAAA~ rain noise behind his second speech balloon.
= sore demo | [ore]-ga
-- "But that's all I am."
+++
= [ore]-ga--
= "That's all."
And one last ~GORO GORO~ roll of thunder.
[Self-indulgent howl of melodramatic yet understated pathos! Oh man, I love this story.]
I feel compelled to note that I didn't see either this doujinshi or "Haran"-- or actually, any doujinshi at all-- before writing "Mitsutomoe", which clawed its way out of my brain cell within (iirc) about a month of seeing the OVA for the first time. (I hadn't been particularly grabbed just by watching the first two tv seasons of RK on rental discs. Still haven't bothered to watch the third season.) After that, I found out more about Enishi. Mmm, Enishi. Mayoi-kotora-chaaaaaan!!! (ahem)
Still have no real idea what I'm doing. Maybe one of these days I should actually attempt to take some formal "Introduction to Japanese" classes, which would finally force me to learn all of the kana.
Frame/balloon order is from right to left and from top to bottom. The kana for "tsu" is sometimes used to indicate a glottal stop, as in a sudden gasp or an abrupt break in speech; in those cases, I'll transcribe it as "*" instead.
Format key:
= raw romaji: [kanji], hiragana, KATAKANA, words-linked-inna-phrase, (handwritten marginalia), ~sound fx~
(Every so often, I splat down a comparison from wot-club's IY translations, which indicate kanji with CAPS instead.)
- expanded transcription: grammatical contractions unpacked from the raw transcription if necessary (e.g., inna <- in a) or other analysis
= raw gloss: [word function], literal-translation
(Functional abbreviations: [T]opic, emphatic [S]ubject, [O]bject, unidentified [P]article,[C]opula, [Q]uestion, e[X]clamation)
(Auxiliary abbreviations: [nC] (negative copula), [mM] (emotional emphasis), [fM] (factual emphasis))
Narrative
[snarky notes]
-- "occasional coherent(ish) translations"
Pagination: #N#
Framebreaks: +++
Balloonbreaks: | (if I compress several short balloons into the same line of text; otherwise, I just start a new line for each balloon)
At this stage in Kenshin's life, he hasn't yet adopted his later characteristic speech patterns-- no "de gozaru" or "sessha"; he uses the very self-assured pronoun "ore" instead, and I haven't yet seen any signs of the confused "oro?" sound.
Tomoe's speech pattern is surprisingly formal, very different from Kaoru's (at least judging by Yamaguchirow's doujinshi; I haven't double-checked against Watsuki's original dialogue)-- Tomoe uses the full polite verb forms every time: the copula "desu" instead of "da", as well as the "-masu" family of suffixes that I've never *ever* seen Kaoru use. Unfortunately, there isn't a good way to convey this in English-language dialogue; in some moods, I figure it might work to avoid informal contractions, so maybe I'll try that this time. Also, based on my preliminary scan through the story, it's interesting that Tomoe never addresses Kenshin by his name-- another difference from Kaoru; is this possible to carry over as well? Dunno.
Later note: if modern English still had distinct familiar/formal second-person pronouns like most Western European languages, it would be a fairly obvious choice to have Tomoe address Kenshin with the formal pronoun most of the time. I'm not sure how well that would really work-- even once they're both naked, she continues to use the "-masu" suffixes etc. at him-- but then maybe that's just as unusually distancing as it would be to keep addressing someone as "vous" or "Sie" in the same circumstances. (It almost seems like the way a mid-level prostitute might address a client, depending on how seriously you want to take Iizuka's speculation about where she'd been before encountering Kenshin.)
#17#
Title page: Kenshin walking away from the end of another mission, with a "Tenchuu" (heaven's justice) placard lying on the bodies between small inset panels of each victim's death. Rain is pouring down.
His internal monologue is off to the side; I've separated out the lines in this case. They're in a cursiveish font rather than true handwriting, but I'll parenthesize them anyway.
= ([hito]-wo [ki]ru [tabi] [kawa]ite-yuku)
[cf. wot-club "washi o KIru tabi" (every time you cut me)]
- kawaite <- [kawa]ku (dry up)
- yuku: irregular variant of [i]ku (go)? when attached to a verb, seems to indicate total completion, so "kawaite yuku" would be "completely dried up", "dried to a husk", etc.
= person[O] cut time dried-away
= ([chi]-wo [su]u ni [ka]rete-yuku)
- karete <- [ka]reru (wither, shrivel)
= blood[O] breathe in shrivelled-up
= (--[mizu]-ga [ho]shii)
= water[S] desireable
= ([ore]-ga [hito] de naku naru [mae]-ni)
= I[S] person from inside become previously
[Since the syntax doesn't quite match the natural flow in English, I figured I'd save up the entire speech to do at once. I've also flipped the verbs between the first two lines because I felt like it.]
-- "(Every time I kill a man, I shrivel up inside; every time I breathe a spray of blood, I wither away. Water is exactly what I need-- it restores me to who I was before.)"
[I guess this time he can dispense with the mizugori purification ritual-- no need to pour cold water over your own head if you're already drenched. Hiko would probably dump a bucket of ice over him anyway, though.]
["Mizu" specifically means "cold water". There's a different word ("yu") for hot water. Apparently this causes great amusement for people who are more familiar with Chinese, since when they go to Japan, they read the sink taps as being labelled for "water" and "soup".]
[Much later addendum: as it turns out, Tomoe's family name, "Yukishiro", means melted snow, pure ice-water from the start of spring.]
Title box:
= [enrei]
= distant-thunder
#18#
Kenshin's returned back to the room he shares with Tomoe. The first panel probably shows the sign outside the inn; I might come back and poke at those kanji later, but they probably don't matter all that much. It's still raining.
~ZAAAA~ (hard rain, wind blowing)
+++
Back in his room. As usual, he's curled up beside the window in an uncomfortable-looking half-seated position around his sword. He's left a trail of water behind him.
~KA*~ (lightning, I think)
+++
He's soaking wet and seems to've made no attempt to dry himself off with a towel, though he may be rubbing his scarred cheek with the back of his wrist-guard. (Kid, if you keep picking at it, it'll never heal.) Water is still dripping from his hair and face as he broods: ~POTA | POTA~ (drip drip)
+++
Tomoe sits up from the futon on the middle of the floor. Thunder continues to roll outside: ~GORO GORO GO~
+++
She ponders him for a moment, then brings him a piece of dry cloth: ~SU~ (slow, careful movement or someone breathing in; I wonder if this is before or after that incident where she startled him awake and he almost killed her on reflex. Do not startle gloomy-angst hitokiri.)
Her:
= [nu]reta mama-de to [shintai]-ni-[doku] desu yo...
- "nureta" <- past tense of "[nu]reru" (get wet, probably the root of the ever-popular ~nuru nuru~): got wet, became soaked
["doku" is probably the word for "poison" Christopher Lee mentioned in some interviews about Count Dooku, although iirc both syllables of the name rhymed with each other, which would be wrong compared to the Japanese pronunciation. Also, note that the first vowel of the actual word is *not* elongated; dunno whether there's an actual word "douku", but this isn't it.]
- "shintai ni doku": lit. "poison into the body", idiom for "get sick"
= got-wet in-same-condition and get-sick [C] [X]
[My first impulse is to render this as "You're still soaking wet-- you'll catch a cold!", but it may take me a while to figure out what Tomoe should really sound like in English.]
-- "Staying drenched will surely lead to illness."
#19#
When he ignores the cloth, she takes his hand away from his face and starts to rub his fingers dry (~ZU~), surprising him (~BIKU*~).
Her:
= [kimono]... [kiga]eraretara dou desu ka?
- kigaeraretara <- conditional form of [kiga]erareru <- passive/potential form of [kiga]eru (change clothes): if-could-be-changed
[He's wearing his working outfit; in this context, "kimono" just means clothing in general.]
= clothing... if-could-be-changed what/how [C] [Q]?
-- "Perhaps a change of clothing would be beneficial?" (or just "Shouldn't you take off those wet clothes (and slip into something more Freudian)?")
+++
= ...[tsume]tai [te]
- "[tsume]tai": I would've expected this to've been based on a verb, but surprisingly, there's no [tsume]ru with the same kanji. Verb-like adjective that can either mean "cold to the touch" or "cold-hearted".
-- "...such cold hands" (or, "your hands are so cold")
+++
= --mata [hito]-wo [koro]mete kita no desu ka?
[Don't think I have the second kanji quite sorted out yet; as transcribed so far, it's not a possible form from the verb "[koro]su" (murder) and there are several alternate readings. If it were right next to the first kanji, "[hito-goro]shi" (murderer) would be possible except that there's no "-shi" kana there to round off the word. If the kanji were in reverse order, "[satsu-jin]" (homicide) would also be possible, but they aren't.]
[WTF is "metekita"? "kita" probably from "kuru" (arrive); participle+kuru -> start to (verb)? No "meru"/"mesu" verb by itself? Must be compound form with kanji.]
[Cf. p. 8 ff.-- usually this seems to apply to the roots of verb-like adjectives, but it looks like the "-meru" suffix can produce an externally-agented causative verb, as that paper phrases it: e.g., from the adjective "[kata]i" (solid), the verb "[kata]meru" (cause something else to solidify in the sense of the sun hardening mud, rather than referring to the process of the mud passively evaporating off moisture). Curiously, while the word "katamari" (solid lump, as in "damacy") is related to the same concept, sometimes it's written with the same "[kata]" kanji which my Kodansha dictionary uses in the transitive "[kata]meru" (it lists three different interchangeable(?) kanji which can all be used to write the same meaning/pronunciation of "[kata]i") and its intransitive analogue "[kata]maru", but sometimes it uses a completely different single kanji: "[katamari]" rather than "[kata]mari". Gah. Overly tangenty. WTF was I talking about anyway? Right. I think the crucial thing I wanted to jot down was that all of those [kata]-based words use the "kun" pronunciation rather than the "on" one.]
- based on the "kun" pronunciation for that kanji back there, we're dealing with the word "[koro]mete" after all <- -te form of "[koro]meru" (roughly, "cause to murder", or more succinctly, "assassinate" or "cut down").
[ -te verbform + kuru... ISTR that another use of this structure is "do something and come back" or "return from just having done something", but I can't dig up a reference in my books right now. Think I'll go with that anyway, though: "[koro]mete-kita" ~ "returned from murdering"]
= again person[O] returned-from-murdering [fM] [C] [Q]
-- "--another assassination just occurred tonight, didn't it?" (or, "--you just came back from another assassination, didn't you?")
+++
He gives her a cold death-glare for a moment, but then backs off and changes the subject after a "..." pause. Hm. He's already using the rather tender pronoun "kimi" for her. She seems slightly startled by it.
Him:
= [kimi]-no [te]-wa | [atata]kai na....
[Oddly, there are two parallel adjectives based on this [atata] kanji: the verblike "[atata]kai" and the nounlike "[atata]ka-na", both of which seem to mean the same thing (pleasantly warm). I don't know if there's some slight difference in connotation between them. Strictly speaking, this isn't exactly either form, but "atatakai na" (it's warm) is apparently the last thing Sailor Uranus says to Sailor Neptune in SMSS 198... I wonder if that season of "Sailor Moon" was ever released in the US? I lost track of the show after the initial English dub by DIC, which I could catch on local tv just before running off to work; by the time Cloverway(?) took over and dubbed a few more, the show was airing on Cartoon Network at an inconvenient time-slot-- I did manage to catch a few more eps here and there, but not very many, and I can't justify renting it because it sends the wombat-consort into shoujo sugar-shock.]
= your hand(s)[T] | warm [mM]
-- "But your hands | are nice and warm..."
#20#
Her face goes blank again, and she returns her attention back to kneading his hand between hers.
Her:
= [atata]kai [te]-no [mo]chi[nushi]-wa [kokoro]-no-[tsume]tai [hito] nande sou-desu yo...
= warm hand's owner[T] cold-hearted person why [emphatic copula] [X]...
[I've found some indirect references to a Japanese proverb that's equivalent to the English one "warm hands, cold heart" (or vice-versa), but don't have confirmation whether this is the usual form. Still, the concept does seem to be cross-cultural.]
[The semiliteral "As for the owner of warm hands, that is surely because of the heart of a cold person" sounds terribly clunky.]
-- "A person with warm hands has a cold heart." (or even more loosely, "Only cold-hearted people have warm hands"? "Warm hands are caused by a cold heart"?).
+++
Her:
= [suko]shi-wa | [atata]marimashita ka?
- "atatamarimashita" <- past form of "atatamarimasu" <- polite form of "[atata]maru" (passively warm up, become heated by something else)
= small-amount[T] | became-warmed [Q]
[There's a certain amount of ambiguity here about what she's referring to, exactly; on the surface, she's still warming his hand, but by context, she's speaking about her own heart. Because of that, I'm reluctant to follow up my initial impulse, which was to insert some words to produce "But your hand | hasn't warmed up very much yet, has it?" or something similar.]
-- "But this | has gained a little warmth, has it not?" (or "...has lost a little of its chill..." to flip the grammar)
Him:
= kimi-wa... | [tsume]tai [hito] ka ja-nai...
= you[T] | cold person [Q] [nC]
- "ja nai" <- "de wa nai" <- negative of plain copula "da" (often etymologized from "de aru", where "aru" is the animate-existence verb; the negative of "aru" is "nai"-- however, see this other post.)
-- "But you... | a coldhearted person? Never..."
+++
He pulls her hand closer: ~gu~ ("tug", or more loosely, "clasp")
= sore nara [ore]-no [kata]-ga...
- "kata": tacked onto verb stems, this has to do with the characteristic way to do something; in this case, it's on its own, so this is probably the alternate usage that's listed as an honorific form of "hito" (person).
= that if-it-were personage[S]
- "nara" <- conditional form of "da" (plain copula), analogous to the -ba form of most verbs; the parallel form "naraba" also exists.
-- "If anyone, the cold-hearted person would be me."
#21#
He cradles her hand against his forehead with his eyes closed. There is another strong patter of rain: ~ZAAAA... | ...AAA~
+++
She looks oddly vulnerable herself, aware of the degree of trust he's showing her. The rain keeps falling: ~ZAAA...~
+++
And there's another huge flash of lightning: ~KA*~
+++
She glomps completely around him, producing a lovely proto-oro expression while thunder rolls around them: ~GOGOGO | GAGAGA~
#21#
He looks dreadfully confused. She still has her arms wrapped around his shoulders, with her eyes closed and his head tucked under her chin.
Him: (internal monologue again)
= ([kaminari]-no sei na-no-ka? | sore demo...)
- "na no ka": particle cluster; a semirhetorical question in an emotional context
= thunder's fault [emotional question] | that however
-- "(Is this really because of the thunder? | But in that case...)"
In that case, why is she still holding onto him?
+++
He decides to glomp her in return: ~gyu~
= (sore demo...)
--"(In that case...)"
More thunder: ~GOGO | GOROGORO~
+++
Tomoe gasps, horrified at the situation she's put herself into: ~ha*~
+++
And breaks away: ~ba*~ (sudden violent motion)
Kenshin is confused again, but unfortunately does not yet have the word "oro" to resort to:
= a...
-- "Wha--", perhaps?
+++
Awkwardly, he apologizes:
= ..sumanai... | [ore]-ga...
- "sumanai": plain analogue of the more formal apology "sumimasen"; not quite as slapdash as "gomen".
-- "...Forgive me... | I just..."
+++
= iya | [kimi]-no [kimono] made [nu]rashite shimatte...
- "made": usually "until", but can also indicate an extreme condition
- "nurashite" <- -te form of "nurasu" (moisten another object; the active analogue of the passive verb "nureru"): actively-moistening
- "shimatte" <- -te form of "shimau" (finish): usually, the "-te shimau" construction means that the previous verb has finally/completely been accomplished, but I think this is a slightly different usage that expresses regret about the previous verb.
= [dismay] | your clothing until drenching [regretting]
-- "Oh no | I completely drenched your clothes, I didn't mean to..."
She's huddled up on the futon again, kneeling upright with her arms wrapped around herself. Since this is the middle of the night, she's not wearing her daytime kimono; I don't know whether this is just her regular nagajuban (full-length under-kimono) or specialized sleepwear. As will be revealed later, she's also wearing a susoyoke (a long half-slip similar to a wrap skirt) underneath, but not the corresponding hadajuban (a similar lightweight wrap top with short sleeves); each of those would fasten by tying together two attached ribbons at the waist. No tabi (socks) right now, either. Her hair is still tied into that loose loop behind her neck, which you'd think would be uncomfortable to sleep on, but maybe that isn't so much of a factor with those weird little traditional pillows that look like stiff bricks.
#22#
He stands up and prepares to walk past her out of the room, carrying his sheathed sword in one hand. He is *still* dripping rainwater. His fundoshi (loincloth) must be terribly soggy if he's wearing one, but since Yamaguchi usually skims over that detail, perhaps underneath his hakama Kenshin is just going commando. Er, hitokiri.
= [hi]eru to [waru]i [kiga]ete-kure...
- "kigaete kure" <- brusque command form of "kigaete kureru", where "kureru" is one of the "give" verbs; added to the -te form of another verb, it's an idiom for "do this as a favor for me"
[The kanji in the adjective "[waru]i" is the same one Sano wears on his back; Saitou likes to use the same word as the noun "[aku]". Kill Sano's back instantly!!! (Insert yaoi joke here.)]
= get-chilled and unpleasant/evil change-clothes-for-me
-- "It's bad to catch a chill-- you should change your clothing..."
= --[soto] ni [de]ru kara...
= outside in go-out from
-- "--as soon as I leave the room..."
+++
She tightens her grip on her own sleeve: ~gyu~
+++
Her:
= [i]kanaide [kuda]sai
[A very polite negative-command form of "[i]ku" (go) with the aux. verb based on "kudasaru" (another one of the "give" verbs, indicating something given to the speaker; I am never going to get those straight)]
-- "Please, do not go." ("Please stay" would be simpler, but sounds too forward?)
+++
She meets his eyes while he continues to stand beside the futon, looking guilty.
+++
= [kimono]-ga [nu]rete-shimatta-no-wa | anata-no sei dewa-arimasen...
[Whoa. She's unleashed the pronoun "anata" on him-- in some contexts, it's formally distant, but in others, it's what a wife calls her husband. However, she's still using the polite verbforms.]
["no" after a verb creates a gerund for verbing.]
- "de wa arimasen" <- negative of the polite copula "desu" ("arimasen" <- neg. of "arimasu" <- polite form of "aru" (inanimate-existence))
= clothing[S] getting-completely-soaked[noun][T] | your fault [nC]
[Reading between the lines, I think she's saying that she doesn't blame him for getting her clothing wet because she's the one who glomped onto him first?]
-- "My clothing's condition | is not your fault alone."
#26#
She reaches behind her back to loosen the sash of her nagajuban or yukata or whatever her outer garment is: ~shu | shuru~ (untying/unwrapping sounds)
+++
Him: (wide-eyed)
= e
[Boy, does he need the word "oro".]
-- "Uh..."
+++
His knees crumple under him with shock; he thumps down into seiza, dropping his sword beside him: ~kashi | kan~ (thump, clang)
Him:
= [ma]*
[The kanji is the stem of "[ma]tsu" (wait). Theoretically, the "tsu" kana after it might be really there, so to speak, supplying the rest of the verb instead of just showing a break in speech; however, IMHO that doesn't make sense in this context-- the plain form would just mean "I'm waiting" which seems too casual a response for panicky oro-chan; the command form ("wait!") would be "[ma]tte".]
-- "Hey, w--"
+++
With a faint flush of emotion (shame? arousal?), she finishes unfastening her outer garment and shrugs it off: ~suto~ (something falling, but "crumple" seems like a better fit)
+++
And peels his damp gi down to his waist as well (~su~: "peel") while his heartrate skyrockets (~DOKI | DOKI~: "ka-thump | ka-thump")
+++
His wristguards also came off between panels. (IIRC they're called "kote" or "han-gote"; can't find good refs at the mo. Misao wears similar ones ten years later.) Lightly, Tomoe folds her arms around his shoulders, but he's still frozen in place.
~pita~
[keeping the previous translation for the "Possibly Maybe" story in mind, I suspect that Yamaguchi really doesn't use the same "stop" sense for this sound that Oop-Ack lists for it. Guess I'll have to go again with the "closely adhering" sense that Hiroko Fukuda's onomatopoeia book mentions.]
= [embrace]
Him: ~doki~ (ka-thump)
= a*
-- "Ah--"
#24#
He's still wide-eyed with shock: ~dokan | dokan~ ("ka-thoomp | ka-thoomp")
+++
She backs off, takes his hand between hers again, and places it on her bare breast: ~FUKU~
[not listed per se by either Oop-Ack or Fukuda-- possibly related to "buku" and "puku" (both indicate something round and swelling; "buku" (via bubbles?) is also the sound of boiling water), and/or "fuki" (wipe).]
+++
That seems to've taken the edge off his panic. However, oro-chan still needs to be walked through a tutorial.
Her:
= koushite | [fu]rete-ite [kuda]sai...
- "furete ite kudasai": polite command form of "furete iru" <- present progressive of "[fu]reru" (come into contact, touch gently)
-- "This way | please, keep touching me..."
+++
She slides her hands off his as he finds her nipple: ~so...~ ("there...")
Someone (her too now?): ~DOKAN~ (ka-thoomp)
Definitely her:
= n...
-- "Mmh..."
+++
As a quick learner, Kenshin also discovers her other nipple: ~chuku~ (suckle/kissy)
Her:
= a*
-- "Ah--"
+++
~chu | chu~ ("kiss | smooch")
Him:
= n...
-- "Mm..."
Her:
= ha...
-- "Ahh..."
#25#
Her:
= --*
-- (gasp)
[Okay, going to stop "translating" the moans and sighs for now, since I'm sure you get the idea anyway.]
+++
He backs off, concerned.
= a* | [ita]katta?
- "itakatta" <- past tense of verblike adjective "[ita]i" (painful)
-- "Ah-- did I hurt you?"
She realizes he has never ever done this before.
= ...
= [speechless for a moment]
+++
= [onna]-no karada-wa
= woman's body[T]
[see discussion after next line]
+++
= ...[yasa]shiku [atsuka]tte-[kuda]sai...
- [atsuka]u (deal with, handle)
= sweetly/gently please-handle
[I'm not quite sure what to make of these two lines. There weren't any obvious signs of him groping her too hard, and her nipples are now alert and pointy-like. So "a woman's body-- please handle it gently" (or, less klunkily, "please, women's bodies should be handled gently") doesn't entirely make sense.
-- "Please... | ...touch a woman's body gently"?
+++
She nudges up close to him again, bringing back the expression of abject oro: ~DOKI~ (ka-thump)
+++
As she gropes him through his hakama: ~SU~ (smooth movement)
+++
And then unfastens it: ~SHURU SHU | SURU~ (untying his waistband and peeling his hakama down in front)
Him: ~biku*~ (jolt)
= a...
#26#
Him(?): ~*~ ("gasp"? instead of the "tsu" hiragana, this might be the "fu" katakana for a short, sharp exhalation; I don't think this is a motion sound-effect.)
~susu~ (smooth movement; she's using both hands, keeping one up top while the other slides up and down)
~biku* biku*~ (shock, amazement; no dancing elephants this time. I think I rather like "jolt" as an equivalent-- something to convey the sudden electric shock of adrenaline.)
+++
Him: n*
+++
Him: ~biku* | bikun~
= ...a...*...
Her: ~shuru | nyu* | shu~
He's clinging onto her shoulders like a life-preserver. The "nyu" is probably the first few drops of pre-ejaculatory fluid leaking out already.
+++
Lots of little sound-effects scattered through this panel. Oy.
Him: haa | n... | haa
Her: ~SHU~
Him: ~KYU | gyuu | gyu~ (glompy noises from him tightening his embrace)
= haa*
+++
Him: n*
~BIKU | BIKU~ (his head exploding, so to speak)
+++
One last ~BIKU~ in closeup; more panting:
= haa | haa
#27#
And his breathing deepens and slows down: HAA | HAA
Tomoe is inspecting her goopy hand with a very odd expression, almost as if she feels sorry for him. He's fifteen years old-- possibly less by Western age-counting methods-- and this is his first time with a girl; how long was he going to last? He'll be back up within a few pages, though. (Fifteen. *eyeroll*)
+++
Tenderly, he touches her face, wiping away a trickle of spooge from her cheek: ~kyu...~
+++
They kiss, then tumble full-length onto the futon together. Someone says "N".
#28#
More kissing.
= n...n | haa... | nn*
+++
~chu...~ (smooching)
She pulls off her underskirt: ~SHURU~
= haa
Her small brick-pillow is visible on the floor behind her head in this panel, if anyone wanted to know.
+++
Her nekkidness prompts him to back off and finally take off the rest of his soggy clothing, I think including his socks (thank goodness) before coming back to her.
#29#
She guides his hand to her girly parts, either with the "tsu" choked gasp in the throat or the "FU" sharp exhalation.
+++
Her:
= n*
+++
Him:
= koko?
-- "Here?"
~kuni | biku* | kunyu~
[Can't find an exact listing for "kuni/kunyu", but by context both of them are groping sounds with the second one slightly squishier.]
+++
Him:
= ...[ita]kunai?
[neg. form of "[ita]i"; the verblike adjectives attach the negative suffix onto the -ku adverb form]
-- "...you're not in pain?" or "that doesn't hurt, does it?"
Her: ~biku*~
= n...
+++
She reaches back down and presses his fingers into her: ~kuchu~ (a grippy, squishy sound)
+++
~chu...~ (kissy-type wet friction/suction; despite the gynecological closeup, I think this actually refers to him leaning over her for more kissing)
#30#
Him: ~kuchu | kuchu~
Her: ...n | (haa...)
+++
She reaches down for his instant replay: ~kyu...~ (grasp)
Him: a*
+++
She stares up into his face. He stares down into hers. Both of them look terribly young and vulnerable and afraid of themselves.
#31#
To hell with angst. Let's boff!
~gu...~ (loud thunder growling again)
~nyuchi...~ (squishy first contact)
+++
Him: ~zunu*~ (more slurpy squish)
= ...a...
+++
~zupupu...~ (sinking in)
+++
Her: haa...
+++
~gu* gu*~ (more thunder)
~zu~ (vigorous motion)
= [yawa]rakai...
= soft, tender
[see next line]
+++
Someone: ~gui~ (clutch)
= konna-ni...
= this-much
[The obvious identification is that it's Kenshin saying "You're so soft inside", but I wonder if this is a direct quote from the first OVA, in which Tomoe thinks something along the lines of "You're so kind and gentle like this... when you're not killing people." Or at least that's what the English subtitles said; I doubt I'd be able to pick out the actual Japanese dialogue. But after puzzling after the motion in this panel, I think it's her taking hold of his knee to push it backwards and pull him deeper into her, since she continues to do that throughout the next page, where he does *not* start out with a hand on her breast. If it is her, she can probably be excused from omitting "desu" from the end of this sentence, considering.]
Kenshin?: "You're so soft | deep inside you"
or Tomoe?: "You're so gentle | so tender to me"
#32#
As mentioned, she shoves his knee backward along the futon; at the same time, she grabs hold of his butt with both feet to haul him in and muffles herself with a mouthful of cloth (sheets? her underskirt?): "fu"
Many, many sounds. Let's see--
behind his butt, there's the ~ZUZU~ of vigorous pumping;
under it, there's ~puchi~ (? Oop-Ack has "buchi" (ripping/tearing-- ow!), although the story just before this in "Setsuen" shows her doing the deed with Kiyosato);
her shoving his knee back apparently sounds like ~jupu | ju*~ (can't find those either);
over their heads, ~GU*~ was probably her yanking the cloth into her mouth.
Him: ~HAA | HAA~ (deep panting)
+++
He gets a grip on her breast again (~KU*~), making her nipple go *spung* (~POTA~).
= *a
+++
big sound effects: ~ZUPU | NUPU*~ (vigorous squishy motions)
smaller fx: ~kuchu | gupo~ (wet suction?)
various moans: haa | N | ha...
#33#
Tomoe is still muffling herself with a mouthful of cloth. (Their room has paper walls, after all, and the inn is packed full with other Ishinshishi.)
= mu | n*
~ZU* | NYUPU~ (even more vigorous and squishy motions)
Him:
= haa | haa | ha
+++
The next panel is at the top of rhe left side of the page, instead of directly below the first one.
Him:
= haa | ha...
She loses her grip on the cloth; some slightly louder moans sneak out around it.
= nhaa... | a...
+++
Him: ~BIKU*~
= n...*
+++
~DOKUN~
[Splorch.]
#34#
Still more rain outside: ~ZAAAA | ZAAAA~
They just lie collapsed around each other for a while, panting-- lots of ~ha~ deep breaths plus a stray ~n~.
He strokes her face; she touches the scar on his cheek-- I wonder if she knows Kiyosato did that? Iizuka might've known enough to tell her; he was part of the cleanup crew immediately afterward and would've known who the main target was, which might've been enough to identify the bodyguards as well.
#35#
As she traces the scar, Kenshin's expression slowly closes back up again.
= sumanai... | [ore]-ga [hitoki]ri de...
- "de" <- -te form of "da" (plain copula).
[Or at least I think that's what it's doing there. I wish had some idea of the emotional shading of this sentence, unless the point is that there isn't any.]
-- "Forgive me... | I'm still an assassin..."
+++
Horrified once more, she whips away from him and huddles up. His "Oro?" face returns, but only for a moment.
#36#
= sumanai...
-- "Forgive me..."
+++
He wraps a piece of (hopefully dry) cloth around her shoulders, startling her (~biku*~). The large ~FUKU~ in the middle may represent the wind blowing, since that's what the verb "[fu]ku" means. There's more ~ZAAA~ rain noise behind his second speech balloon.
= sore demo | [ore]-ga
-- "But that's all I am."
+++
= [ore]-ga--
= "That's all."
And one last ~GORO GORO~ roll of thunder.
[Self-indulgent howl of melodramatic yet understated pathos! Oh man, I love this story.]
no subject
(Anonymous) 2006-04-29 11:54 am (UTC)(link)The story appears to be much more sad that I've thought...
no subject
I think I might need to find that weird little Enishi/Tomoe story from the "Jinchuu" doujinshi as an antidote, though I still haven't found definite proof for what the crumpled piece of paper in its last panel is supposed to be (I assume a wrapper for opium or some similar drug?).
no subject
(Anonymous) 2006-04-29 03:49 pm (UTC)(link)Thanks from all of us! ^_^
...You've spoken about "Err", ne?..
Poor boy - such an obssession with his own sister definitely isn't healthy.
no subject
Drat, now you've made me go pull "Jinchuu" off the shelf to check the title of the story-- yup, that's the one. Actually, I hope Yamaguchi hasn't done more than one Enishi/Tomoe story (not counting additional omake stories-- can't recall if there are some, but probably), because that's a really disturbing pair. Even more disturbing than Kamatari/Yumi, though not quite as disturbing as Aoshi/chibi-Misao (there are some sketches for that in "Sakuragari"; even though it's hot young ninja Aoshi with long hair, he's still with little teeny Misao, who can't be more than ten years old or so GAH).
(This does not explain why I have two other Enishi/Tomoe doujinshi, but those are part of a series-- first I bought the second doujin from a vague description on eBay and then I thought the first one might help explain what was going on. Not really, at least not just from looking, and I'm not sure I *want* to translate them. I'm already bothered whenever Yamaguchirow's Kaoru makes token protests during consensual sex; a lot of other doujinka go much further and turn their sexual scenarios into actual forced rape. Sometimes gang-rape. Bleh.)
no subject
(Anonymous) 2006-05-01 12:48 pm (UTC)(link)And I've discovered that "Err" has been already translated as well as Jinchu. The translation is rather bad and inaccurate though.
May be you'll change your mind into something less disturbing - Kamiya or Himura for instance *iust a joke*. Or Kuusou? Or Kyouken?
no subject
There's already a translation of "Err"? Where? 8) I'm not sure I have "Kuusou"-- is it in one of the Taboo collections? I have the first "Taboo" anthology, plus (I think) all of the individual titles that went into "Taboo 2"; the "Kyouken" series makes me nervous since each one is a single long story, so they'd take a long time, but I do have 1-4 from those, though none of the three(?) different volumes of "Kyouken 5" or the just-published "Kyouken 6"-- the most recent RK Yamaguchi I have is a long modern-day story from summer 2004 (not sure what the title is).
Another one I've been considering is the story in "Sakuragari" where most of it takes place in the dark, with just speech balloons-- what are they *saying*?
no subject
(Anonymous) 2006-05-02 06:06 pm (UTC)(link)But speaking of guilty pleasures - about the dojinshi you've mentioned as 'the modern day story'. Is it about futile Kaoru's attempt to have a phone conversation? Futile because of Kenshin's ardour, of course :) If I'm right, the title should be Kuusou ^_^ I have it!
And I know nothing about Sakuragari, but it sounds interesting :)
The Err translation I've found in such kind of sites as www.euphoricvisions.net or e-hentai.org *but I don't remember exactly, sorry!* I skipped the first part frightenedly and saved only Jinchu, the next story. :)
no subject
"Sakuragari" is mostly a sketchbook. It has lots of modern-day stuff-- some of them look like early ideas for "Kuusou", though that doesn't explain Enishi dressed like a teacher(?) or Tomoe as a waitress-- plus a bit of Yahiko/Tsubame and several pages of Aoshi working his way through all of the girls of the Oniwabanshuu.
Looks like euphoricvisions is reorganizing its site-- I'll have to register and take a look around when they get their login system working again.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2006-05-07 12:34 pm (UTC)(link)But the doujinshi choice is completely up to you - we will be happy any of them, really.
*Such a pity I haven't "Sakuragari" - I like Yamaguchirow's sketches and his handwriting comments*...