wombat1138 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
wombat1138) wrote2006-05-25 02:52 pm
wombat1138) wrote2006-05-25 02:52 pm
Meta-meta-emo
Is this Official "Anti Suicidal Emo" Week or something?
My contradictory takes on the phenom, expanding "suicidal" to more loosely "self-destructive":
1.) With people who enjoy making a display of their own pain, obviously their coping skills are not particularly optimal to start with. They may or may not be aware of this, or of other ways to deal with stress. On some level, they've chosen this option because it seems easier for them than anything else they can do.
2.) If the display is mostly a spillover effect from how much they're hurting themselves, then perhaps they should be convinced to stop hurting themselves. Yelling at them just outsources their pain fix from self-inflicted physical trauma to external emotional trauma, and probably doesn't confront the underlying issue of *why* they're hurting themselves: penance for the expiation of guilt, if they're burdened with misdeeds or bad thoughts? assertion of self-ownership, if everything else in their life seems out of their control? twisted psychological programming, if they were taught early in life that cruelty is just another form of love? If the behavior is driven from their own unspoken assumptions, then those are what need to be identified and addressed.
3.) If the display is actually the main point as a ploy to drag attention/sympathy out of others, then yelling at them still gives them (negative) attention and may inspire overprotective mother-hen types to swoop down and smother them with even more extra sympathy to make up for the negative vibes. Negative reinforcement of negative outcomes won't work for them; in fact, *any* reinforcement of negative outcomes is probably a bad idea. Positive reinforcement of positive outcomes will let them know that they can get attention from doing something that's actually constructive, instead. Deeper down, there's the question of why their own identity depends on the reactions of other people instead of resting within themselves, but that may be something that's too fundamental to change.
4.) My conclusion is that if they annoy you and you don't want to help them, the best thing you can do is ignore them. If you do want to help them, be prepared to walk them through every single step of learning non-painful coping methods, with the possibility of active noisy resistance at any point. (Wanting them to change means that you don't love them just the way they are. Or something. :b )
Disclaimer: I am certainly not a mental-health professional. In fact, somewhat the reverse. I offer up the quasi-koan pair, "I'm ignoring them, so stop bringing them back to my attention already" and "If you don't have compassion for your fellow human beings, FOAD."
My contradictory takes on the phenom, expanding "suicidal" to more loosely "self-destructive":
1.) With people who enjoy making a display of their own pain, obviously their coping skills are not particularly optimal to start with. They may or may not be aware of this, or of other ways to deal with stress. On some level, they've chosen this option because it seems easier for them than anything else they can do.
2.) If the display is mostly a spillover effect from how much they're hurting themselves, then perhaps they should be convinced to stop hurting themselves. Yelling at them just outsources their pain fix from self-inflicted physical trauma to external emotional trauma, and probably doesn't confront the underlying issue of *why* they're hurting themselves: penance for the expiation of guilt, if they're burdened with misdeeds or bad thoughts? assertion of self-ownership, if everything else in their life seems out of their control? twisted psychological programming, if they were taught early in life that cruelty is just another form of love? If the behavior is driven from their own unspoken assumptions, then those are what need to be identified and addressed.
3.) If the display is actually the main point as a ploy to drag attention/sympathy out of others, then yelling at them still gives them (negative) attention and may inspire overprotective mother-hen types to swoop down and smother them with even more extra sympathy to make up for the negative vibes. Negative reinforcement of negative outcomes won't work for them; in fact, *any* reinforcement of negative outcomes is probably a bad idea. Positive reinforcement of positive outcomes will let them know that they can get attention from doing something that's actually constructive, instead. Deeper down, there's the question of why their own identity depends on the reactions of other people instead of resting within themselves, but that may be something that's too fundamental to change.
4.) My conclusion is that if they annoy you and you don't want to help them, the best thing you can do is ignore them. If you do want to help them, be prepared to walk them through every single step of learning non-painful coping methods, with the possibility of active noisy resistance at any point. (Wanting them to change means that you don't love them just the way they are. Or something. :b )
Disclaimer: I am certainly not a mental-health professional. In fact, somewhat the reverse. I offer up the quasi-koan pair, "I'm ignoring them, so stop bringing them back to my attention already" and "If you don't have compassion for your fellow human beings, FOAD."
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